A big fat turkey with a side order of adultery.

Its the time of year when every celebrity chef you could shake a stick at enters our television screens and blesses us with their wisdom and knowledge of how it is CORRECT TO DO CHRISTMAS. Whether it be Nigella's over use of the dairy food-group/any product with an unhealthy fat content, Jamie's rustic cooking style and incessant use of the word 'tiger', or Heston's use of whale vomit as a delectable ingredient, we are inundated with various ways of how to make our Christmas almost as good as theirs will be. The issue with celebrity chefs 'doing Christmas' is that they seem to bypass the idea that we may not have a production team and band of loyal 'servants' who will grate our cheese and measure each ingrediant before putting it into small pyrex dishes so as the extent of work we have to do is merely to tip each ingrediant into a slightly bigger bowl and stir. Therefore, for us to make such an array of over-the-top dishes, it could take us a little longer than the allotted hour that the chef's appears to have. Those tricksters!

The ads! We all know Christmas has arrived when we first catch a glimpe of that beautiful Coca Cola advert. At any other time of the year I would immediately switch over to another channel as soon as someone utters the words 'See you after the break!' (even if the only option is Traffic Cops or Tess Daley's 'dead-behind-the-eyes' face). But once those festive adverts come on I can't avert my eyes. My personal favourite has got to be a toss up between Sainbury's (due to the wonder that is Jamie Oliver), Waitrose, or, of course, Marks and Spencers. You may notice a theme of food. Well, I admit, the thing that most draws me to Christmas is sheer gluttony.

 Soaps at this time of year are wonderfully depressing. For some reason the producers seem to think that Christmas has a tendency to get a little too jolly and they must put an end to that in any way they can. Being the producer of a soap that, of course, means our much loved/hated characters get fully imbursed in the horrors that coinsidently coinside with the Christmas holidays. So get ready for lots of screaming in the streets, inappropriate sexual antics, a possible jail sentence, ooh and it wouldn't be Christmas without a murder thrown in for good measure.

Of course there are also the films that never fail to pop up on our screens at Christmas time. Mary Poppins and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang are a must watch. But merely because the British like tradition so much- although at no other time of the year would we sit down and think 'I know what I'll do, I'll slap on a bit of Julie Andrews with an umbrella and a big bag!'- we feel it acceptable to spend hours watching films for the nineteenth time with a box of Lindt chocolates BECAUSE ITS CHRISTMAS.

Merry Christmas one and all!